do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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