My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
