I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
