I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
