I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
