After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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