We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The air was thick with penises
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
