You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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