I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
