Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
