What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
