She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize