I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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