ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
