Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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