He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
