I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize