just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
