This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
