When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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