you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
