if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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