I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
