Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
