So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
