everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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