I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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