if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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