Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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