Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
