For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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