"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
