I got chris browned last night
420 ftw
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
