This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude. I can hear the air.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize