How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize