my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
