drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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