I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my shit smells like andre
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
