I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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