walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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