I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
