I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
