you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
