and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize