Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
