his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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