All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
