Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
