got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize