Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
