girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
