Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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