You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
