just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
