Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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