I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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