So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
