it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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