The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
