Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
