why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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