My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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