Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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