What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
