Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
