He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
