This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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