It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
